When I Came Out, My Manager Quit
On comebacks, resilience, and hoping for good things in the future.
When I came out, my manager quit.
But before he did, he came to my home and for three hours tried to convince me not to come out publicly. He told me coming out would be really bad for my career. He said people wouldn’t believe me. He said he would lose partnerships and money if the other people he worked with saw that he was managing an out bisexual artist. I chose freedom over fear, so he quit and never said a word to me again. I cried and grieved and picked myself back up, because I’m a resilient person and learned enough to know the problem was him, not me. But he wasn’t completely wrong about one thing: I seem to have become a bit of a polarizing person. After working so hard for years to create a winsome public persona that doesn’t offend, I am finally realizing that I am now a political statement, an ethical dilemma, just by existing. I suppose living in your truth does make life a bit harder, with the help of people and institutions like him.
But what I chose is 100% worth it and I would choose it again a million times over, because I believe in integrity and authenticity, and I have received so many comments from you all that show what seeing me be free has meant for you.
However, this experience doing Kickstarter has been a real emotional challenge for me. If you’re just joining me here, I’ve been crowdfunding for my upcoming album, and it’s been slow and difficult. It has put me in more people’s feeds, which has led to more hateful comments about my hair or my appearance or my queerness. There has also been beautiful support, which has moved me to tears. To be honest, both types of comments have moved me to tears. I’m exhausted. Asking for support at this level is not easy and I’ve had to do a lot of de-personalizing. Being this publicly vulnerable has taken a toll on me. Since I was a little girl I have felt like I cared about too many things too deeply, so this is a familiar feeling. I know that these qualities are an important part of who I am, and on a good day I wouldn’t want to change it lol. But Y’ALL! What a ride.
We are 9 days out from the end of the campaign, and I am not sure if we’re going to make it. There is absolutely still a real chance, and I’m going to work my ass off to the end, but we are further from the goal than I would like to be at this point. To those of you who have already given, you have my heart. To those of you who are going to give, thank you. If we don’t make the goal, I will be sad for a few days, but I will pick myself back up and adjust and try again. I’ve done it many times before, and I will do it again. This record WILL get made. I promise you that. The songs are a part of me in a way only something you create can be, and I know they will mean a lot to the people they’re meant for.
If you want to help make a huge comeback and finish this damn thing, then let’s do it. <3